“I woke up feeling so amazing today because Jesus gives me confidence to love myself.”

I hear phrases similar to this far too often and I wonder how the gospel of Jesus Christ has become blended with the culture of self-love.

I don’t know if I wake up feeling “amazing,” but I do wake up feeling ever so grateful for the gospel and for the fact that I’m forgiven of my sins, and full of joy for the undeserved blessings God gives me.

This idea of feeling “confident and self-assured because of Jesus” is simply unbiblical and quite frankly self-focused and the opposite of seeking humility. When I go to church, God could care less whether I feel “confident” in myself that day. He rather cares whether His Son is glorified in the service and whether His people are humbling themselves and loving Him above all things (NOT loving themselves above all things). It would actually be better and more biblical if Christ-followers stopped focusing on “loving themselves” and “feeling confident” and started humbling themselves, even lacking confidence—shifting their focus off of themselves entirely and becoming more others-oriented rather than self-involved.

Whether we wear makeup, don’t wear makeup, dress casual, dress-up, beautify our hair or wear it down…the Lord is not concerned about these things (unless perhaps any of them become an idol to us). He is concerned rather with our hearts and whether our hearts are seeking His glory or seeking our own glory. Any time we talk about how “the Lord gives us confidence”, we are focusing on ourselves and not on Him.

Let’s think about what it means to have self-confidence. Does it not mean to think highly of oneself and to think you have it all together? I think it’s rather better to go to church lacking confidence and acknowledging that you don’t have it all together and being okay with that. When I talk to others at church, who cares if I’m lacking confidence? That is not the Lord’s concern for me. Rather, am I loving others with a servant’s heart? Am I loving God with all my heart, mind, and strength? Am I humbling myself before God and acknowledging my sin and repenting and praising God for His Work on the cross and the restored relationship I have with Him because of that Work?

G.K. Chesterton, one of my favorite authors, once wrote an essay titled “If I Only Had One Sermon to Preach”, which ties adequately to my thoughts on the matter and is appropriate to the society in which we live:

“If I only had one Sermon to preach, it would be a sermon against pride….

The phrase would probably be misunderstood; but I should begin my sermon by telling people not to enjoy themselves.  I should tell them to enjoy dances and theatres and joy-rides and champagne and oysters; to enjoy jazz and cocktails and night-clubs if they can enjoy nothing better; to enjoy bigamy and burglary and any crime in the calendar, in preference to this other alternative; but never to learn to enjoy themselves.  Human beings are happy so long as they retain the receptive power and the power of reaction in surprise and gratitude to something outside.  So long as they have this they have as the greatest minds have always declared, a something that is present in childhood and which can still preserve and invigorate manhood.  The moment the self within is consciously felt as something superior to any of the gifts that can be brought to it, or any of the adventures that it may enjoy, there has appeared a sort of self-devouring fastidiousness and a disenchantment in advance, which fulfils all the Tartarean emblems of thirst and of despair.

…

When we speak of somebody being ‘proud of’ something, as of a man being proud of his wife or a people proud of its heroes, we really mean something that is the very opposite of pride.  For it implies that the man thinks that something outside himself is needed to give him great glory; and such a glory is really acknowledged as a gift.”

-G.K. Chesterton

In a society that emphasizes self-love, this essay is a good reminder that self-love is not satisfying nor virtuous, and a good majority of man’s discontentment comes from when his eyes are on himself, worrying about himself, his appearance, his status, etc. But when he focuses outwardly on all that is around him…on his family, on other’s achievements and beauties, on all the gifts given him in the world, that is when he is truly content. Pride and vanity will make one miserable. Looking rather at the outward blessings given to us by God bring true joy.

Further, if we are rather focusing on how to be more self-assured, self-confident, self-loving people, then we have missed the whole point of the gospel and we are teaching others to follow Christ for entirely wrong and false reasons.

It is so dangerous to mix what society and culture teaches us is good with what Scripture teaches us is good— and with how society and culture says we should be with how Scripture says we should be.

Don’t get me wrong. There are certainly particular life circumstances that call for some confidence-boosting. For example, if you are going to interview for a job in sales and you lack social skills, then perhaps building up confidence in your social/public-speaking skills in order to get hired and be effective in making your weekly sales isn’t a bad idea.

But do not try to relate your confidence-boost to the gospel and say that “Christ died for me to enhance my self-esteem” (yes, I’ve heard this before). No. Christ died for us because we are sinners in need of a Savior lest we perish in hell.

So if you want to focus on boosting your confidence for whatever reason, so be it. But it is unsettling and wrong when that goal is brought into church and is connected to the gospel. When I’m at church, the last person I want to be talking with is someone who on the inside is focusing on possessing self-confidence throughout our entire conversation. I’d much rather spend my short time at church talking with someone whose heart is turned outward toward others and upward toward Christ.

I am NOT saying we need to be self-loathing creatures. As I stated, the truth of the gospel fills me with joy and gladness every single day. I rejoice because I am somehow by the grace of God a child of His and with this I receive all the blessed benefits of belonging to Him (daily receiving His provisions, protection, presence, grace, mercy, forgiveness, eternal salvation, etc.) and my heart overflows with joy because of it. So I am not concerned whether I have “confidence” when I go to church or at any other time of the week for that matter. Who cares?! I think if we stopped focusing on that, not only would we be a lot better off, but the Lord would be more glorified simply because we are taking our eyes off of ourselves and placing them on Him and His beauty and the needs of His people.